I was talking to a friend tonight about marriage and commitment and it really got me thinking. I am going to label this under MARRIED LIFE but it's not your normal Thursday post. This is just a Monday night rambling of what I think we should all look for in a spouse before we marry.. in fact, 5 things.
So here I go..
First, MARRIAGE SHOULD BE A COMMITMENT TO THEM.
Marriage is by far the biggest commitment of all. I can't think of one bigger. Kids are a huge huge commitment but they eventually leave the nest and make their own lives. But your marriage is the biggest of all. You can't marry based a feeling. I love you, and you make me happy is not what will keep it together. Because when those feelings go away, and they will.. the marriage is doomed to fail. You will have days of ups and downs, and you have to know that when you say those vows.. its a HUGE COMMITMENT. So you really want someone who agrees with that.
MARRY SOMEONE WHO BRINGS OUT THE BEST IN YOU.
A lot of cases someone gets married to someone who is in awe of them. Kinda Idol them. Marriage can't be about just one person serving the other. Its suppose to be about both of you growing into the people you are meant to be. If you put your spouse up on a pedestal because you believe the this special someone could be interested in YOU is a recipe for not a good marriage but a lonely one.
FIND SOMEONE WHO HAS SOMEONE WHO HAS SOME MOTIVATION
You know who I am talking about.. The lazy man/woman. This is not the kind of person that anyone wants to be married to. A good job and stable career is not near as important as motivation. A motivated person will always find a way to get things done and provide for their family. ALWAYS. If they are not motivated, they won't seek out the jobs, they won't help around the house, they wont work to get promotions at work.. and the list could go on and on. If she is not motivated the house will look bad, dinners won't be cooked and she expect to be waited on hand and foot.. This will make a marriage really messy.. So find someone with some get up and go.
This is a big one..
MARRY YOUR BEST FRIEND.
This was the case with Scott and I and God knows I should have figured this out before I said I do in my first marriage. You have to marry someone that you can laugh with, talk with, and enjoy spending time with. Marriage needs tons of things to survive but not just what you would think, like sex, infatuation or even love..It needs smiles, laughter, and good times and can only come from a friendship. If you make this friendship with someone that foundation alone, should be enough. Everything else will just fall into place.
Last but not least, TIME..
I personally think you need to spend a lot of time getting to know the person you are wanting to marry. The friendship will come from time, you will see who they really are, and you will know if its something that is worth holding on to for the rest of your life. If you just rush into it.. it can become one of the biggest nightmares ever. If you marry and think those fun feeling little butterfly's to take you through years of life including, kids, elderly parents, job issues, etc. you are in for a very cruel surprise. I remember Dr Phil said you should never marry someone who hasn't seen you with the flu. I thought he was crazy. But now, many years later.. I agree. It's in this time that you really see the person at their lowest. You will get a good idea of what they are like at their worst during flu season!
I know this may all sound like a tall order.. Like hell, marriage isn't worth all that. But it is.. To walk through this life with someone who knows you as well as you know yourself and still wants to be with you is a real blessing. If you do find someone who wants this, then take it and hold on to it as hard as you can. But remember make sure your marriage has strong roots, not something fleeting.. because a marriage is not a fairy tale and those who believe it is.. usually do not have happy endings.
I also think you should live with someone you are planning on marrying before saying I do.. I know some of you guys might blow my email up because of that statement. However, I know some young brides will not.. I think this time gives you more insight to the kind of person you are going to be putting the time in with. I don't think this should last forever but for a while. It really does help!
But those are my thoughts..
Have anything you would add to the list??
Have anything you would add to the list??
I want to hear it..