It hasn't been a stressful day. In fact, it was very much the opposite. I have to admit that being home is where I am happiest. Making my own schedule, doing what I want for the most part and spending the day with my beautiful kittens. I don't know how much more in love with my husband I can get for giving me this life. Its truly a gift. Yes, I know that sounds mushy but its really how I feel. I was talking the other night with a online friend and pen pal about how so many women out there would kill to live like we do. Yes, she is a stay at home wife too. We both complain sometimes about things like how messy our husband's are, how we are always feeling like maids, or how the world sees us as " kept " women. Like I told her, we have great lives. Yes we feel like maids at times, cooks at other times, a dry cleaner, a pet sitter, and the list can go on and on. But for us and women who stay home our job is to find the charm in chores, the love in cooking, and knowing at being a stay at home wife is a very big deal. We are the CEO's of our homes. And nothing is more important than that. Nothing.
I don't know why I am thinking of this right now. I guess its because I really feel blessed. I look around my home and I know my husband has worked for almost everything in it. My mom has also blessed me with tons of great things and all those things sit around here with things I have had all my life. But for the most part, it's been my husby who has provided everything for me. I look at my cats and think about the joy they bring me. Who got me those cats? That beautiful husband of mine.
I went upstairs a few minutes ago and I looked into the bedroom and saw him laying in the bed. I still think he is the most attractive man in the world. I'm serious. I don't know how this life happened. He picked me. I didn't pick him at first. He was there to pick me up with everything had fallen apart and from the MOMENT I took his hand, he never let go.
We all have ups and downs. I mean he was ready to kill me a few days ago for the dog going missing on my watch.. But let me tell you the words that have never come from either of our mouths.
I don't love you
I hate you
I wish we were not together
I love someone else
Those words have never came from our lips in 8 years. Never not once. I think we both like spending time with each other more than anyone else and when we are apart, we are wishing we were with each other. It was YEARS before I ever spent one night away from him. Even the first time, when I went to see my mom in Florida I was scared being without him. I couldn't think of anything else while I was there. I have never in my life known a love like this. I have been in love before but this man, this life, these feelings are completely different.
I don't ever want it to end. I really don't. However, if it ended tomorrow I know that the love would live on in me. I doubt I could really go on but I know that everything I am now is because the help of him. He has helped me grow, helped me learn so many new things, helped me see things that I normally would shut my eyes to ( he's a republican! ) , and all those experiences has made me a better person. A lot of times, people don't understand our relationship. Husby complains a lot.. not always about me but just is kinda a bitchy guy! I don't even see it like that anymore but to people who are not use to him, that is the way he comes off. But I see a different man. And he melts my heart.
I still have a ton of insecurities but he keeps knocking them down and reminding me that our life is not just blessed its by choice. We are together from the choices we made and stay together with the choices we will make.
Between him , my children and my family- mainly the women in my life ( my mother, sister, grandmother, and Scott's sister ) are the people that make me who I am. They have ALL been so instrumental in my life. My sister is younger than I am. By about 10 years but even she has inspired me. My mom and I talk 4-5 times a day. She is as loyal and as loving as mom that anyone could wish for. Yes there are days we totally disagree but that's ok too. My grandmother is one of my best friends and she has taught me many lessons. Scott's sister has been there for me for years and my children are the best things I ever done. THESE ARE MY BLESSINGS. The people who have passed like my grandfather, Scott's mother, friends have also been my blessings and now they look over me and I really believe that they are part of why I am so happy and blessed now.
When I say happy.. I don't always mean on a daily basis, I go around with a smile on my face 24 hours day. What I mean is. I am happy when I lay my head down at night and feel the love all those people give me. The world stopped being a war when I stopped fighting. I am still feisty and very opinionated and out spoken but I don't carry around anger with me anymore. Its gone and its mainly because my husband has loved me, cherished me, and made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.
I know so many of you are wanting this life I have. I know it. And my advice to you is this.
Say your prayers and wait.
It will happen if you allow it and want it. I had no idea that I would get this life. None. I hated my ex husband even when I vowed to love him forever. I was unhappy and I was ashamed of my life at that time. That has passed. I don't take for granted one second. I am not a fake person. I tell people who I love that I love them and I try my hardest to show it. Its not just about receiving love and blessings. Its about giving love too. I am sure Scott would tell you that he has never been loved by another woman as I love him. I would follow him to the end the earth. In good times and in bad. And when its hard and I feel like giving up, all I have to do is look at him and all the love comes sweeping up on me like nothing else. I can't stay mad at him for very long. I don't want to waste time fighting or arguing over things that really don't matter. He's worth it all to me. I will fight for him, for us, forever. The same for my family. They are my world and they are what matters most.
What I want is to make all the best memories I can with the time I have.
I wish this for all of you too.
With all that said.. this happy, in love, blessed girl is going to bed.